It can be hard caring for an elderly parent and have young adult children and grandchildren. More mature adults can feel extremely torn between responsibilities toward their parent that gave them so much growing up, and the joy and obligations they feel as a grandparent and parent.
Psychologists call this the sandwich generation. They feel sandwiched between everyone's needs and never seem to be able to take to time to enjoy themselves. It can be more than difficult especially if you are an only child or have siblings that live far from an aging parent and you are left to sholder the responsibilities.
These adults have much stress.
Idea: If you don't already know someone in this situation, keep your ears open for someone who is. Pray for them. Ask them how they are doing. Take them out for lunch or bring them some cake. They need a break.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Favorite Games
The new favorite game of the day is Hide & Seek. Not only do we hide ourselves or a parent, but we also hide stuffed animals, clothes, and anything else that we can get our hands on. We stand in the middle of the room. Put our hands over our eyes and count to ten as fast as humanly possible and sing, "Ready or not, here I come." We giggle and laugh our way through the finding process and then have to repeat it instantly.
I know I never had this much fun playing hide and seek as a child, but of course, I was an only child so I never had anyone to play with. My parents played occasionally, but for the most part they were always working on keeping the house spotless or the bills paid (how dare they!). Us, on the other hand, finally found the majority of the smell in the fridge, have a sink full of dishes, a pile of laundry (as usual), and a floor that must be vacuumed so we no longer walk on a layer of fur left from the dogs.
Nope, we do not have a spotless house. This drives my husband crazy. He much more prefers the pre-pregnant house when things were much better kept, but it will soon return again with patience. But for now, I play with my little one, I clean when I can, and give my husband pep-talks to keep him confident of a clean house in the future.
Because I will always remember a piece of advice that my wise great-grandmother told my mother once: Your children may not remember the clean sheets or the spotless floor, but they will remember if you did not have time with them.
I know I never had this much fun playing hide and seek as a child, but of course, I was an only child so I never had anyone to play with. My parents played occasionally, but for the most part they were always working on keeping the house spotless or the bills paid (how dare they!). Us, on the other hand, finally found the majority of the smell in the fridge, have a sink full of dishes, a pile of laundry (as usual), and a floor that must be vacuumed so we no longer walk on a layer of fur left from the dogs.
Nope, we do not have a spotless house. This drives my husband crazy. He much more prefers the pre-pregnant house when things were much better kept, but it will soon return again with patience. But for now, I play with my little one, I clean when I can, and give my husband pep-talks to keep him confident of a clean house in the future.
Because I will always remember a piece of advice that my wise great-grandmother told my mother once: Your children may not remember the clean sheets or the spotless floor, but they will remember if you did not have time with them.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Laundry Day
Who doesn't love to fold? Yuck! I suppose it is satisfying to put everything in neat piles and then tucked away neat in drawers, but the truth is that almost never happens. Laundry, laundry everywhere. We barely get the laundry done before people are pulling things right out of the dryer to be worn immediately. But there is an effort to keep things neat and orderly. In college, both my husband and I made an effort to take a couple of uninterrupted hours to clean and fold clothes so that we could actually learn at college rather than doing laundry at 12 AM as most co-ed's. However, today, we cannot afford to take an uninterrupted morning to do only laundry.
But these are the days of organized chaos. If we have a couple of day’s change of clothes in the drawers, we are looking good. The in-laws have just learned that there will always be a pile of unfolded clothes that we try to chip at during the day. The little one has even learned to help bring mommy and daddy clothes off, "the mountain" as we call it, so that we can achieve the joy of folded clothes.
My grandmother used to spend her life doing laundry. I always remember her folding, ironing, washing clothes. She loved the idea of neat and orderly clothes. It does make a person feel better, but at the time, she stayed up to 2 AM starching shirts (that is so never going to happen). I suppose we will just have to live with a little chaos and enjoy the process.
But these are the days of organized chaos. If we have a couple of day’s change of clothes in the drawers, we are looking good. The in-laws have just learned that there will always be a pile of unfolded clothes that we try to chip at during the day. The little one has even learned to help bring mommy and daddy clothes off, "the mountain" as we call it, so that we can achieve the joy of folded clothes.
My grandmother used to spend her life doing laundry. I always remember her folding, ironing, washing clothes. She loved the idea of neat and orderly clothes. It does make a person feel better, but at the time, she stayed up to 2 AM starching shirts (that is so never going to happen). I suppose we will just have to live with a little chaos and enjoy the process.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Pie
My family loves pie. We would rather have pie than cake most of the time. When we ask the little one what dessert she would like to have she always says pie. It can be better for you than cake if you watch the sugar and limit the saturated fat in the crust. Anyway, our special Valentine's Day dessert is a Mixed Berry Pie this year rather than sugar cookies full of frosting or something laden with fat.
Mixed Berry Pie
Uses a store bought crust or make your own and fill it with frozen mixed berries. (We like Wynman's mixed berries with no sugar. And we like to make our own crust so that we can use unsalted butter.) I add the juice of one fresh lemon, a teaspoon of cinnamon, and a 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of white sugar, and a couple of tablespoons of flour so that the filling will thicken. I mix everything in a gallon sized storage bag and pour it into your crust. (No bowls. Who needs that?) Bake at 350 degrees for one hour. Tah-Dah! Beautiful Mixed Berry Pie in the middle of February.
Pie brings us so much joy. Share some dessert with someone you love.
And don't forget; Pie Day is March 14th. (Get it: 3.14)
Mixed Berry Pie
Uses a store bought crust or make your own and fill it with frozen mixed berries. (We like Wynman's mixed berries with no sugar. And we like to make our own crust so that we can use unsalted butter.) I add the juice of one fresh lemon, a teaspoon of cinnamon, and a 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of white sugar, and a couple of tablespoons of flour so that the filling will thicken. I mix everything in a gallon sized storage bag and pour it into your crust. (No bowls. Who needs that?) Bake at 350 degrees for one hour. Tah-Dah! Beautiful Mixed Berry Pie in the middle of February.
Pie brings us so much joy. Share some dessert with someone you love.
And don't forget; Pie Day is March 14th. (Get it: 3.14)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Fun
I don't know about you, but life can get all managed and scheduled up with activities for other people and we don't often spend time having real fun. Real fun. Remember that? Not worrying about feeding the dog, or whether the children have completely wrecked the house and tied up the babysitter.
Remember going out with your sweetheart or your friends because everyone just wanted to have fun? Remember when it wasn't scheduled? Well, I do and I have to say....that was a very different time. It wasn’t better, just different. We had different goals and concerns. Hopefully, we have met some of those goals and now have a whole new bowl full. I wouldn't trade my current concerns, but I still think we scheduled, familyholic, givers lack fun. So, during this particular ice storm tonight, I will make an effort to have more, and be more, fun.
Cabin fever can get the best of us or even just a stagnant schedule. Think about spicing it up. (Hey, Valentine's Day is coming!)
For the Kids:
- try a special dessert
- a new restaurant
- a fun craft project
Adults:
- date night
- trivia/board games
- beat them at a card game
Remember going out with your sweetheart or your friends because everyone just wanted to have fun? Remember when it wasn't scheduled? Well, I do and I have to say....that was a very different time. It wasn’t better, just different. We had different goals and concerns. Hopefully, we have met some of those goals and now have a whole new bowl full. I wouldn't trade my current concerns, but I still think we scheduled, familyholic, givers lack fun. So, during this particular ice storm tonight, I will make an effort to have more, and be more, fun.
Cabin fever can get the best of us or even just a stagnant schedule. Think about spicing it up. (Hey, Valentine's Day is coming!)
For the Kids:
- try a special dessert
- a new restaurant
- a fun craft project
Adults:
- date night
- trivia/board games
- beat them at a card game
Monday, February 11, 2008
Shrimp Box
We've learned that in order for the little one to have a good time grocery shopping, she has to help us shop. She has her jobs: she picks the cucumbers, she chooses the bananas, and she bags the broccoli, and so on. She will also hold on to certain items for us as we shop. Well, today she has become very attached to a store brand box of storage bags. The box depicts a bag of shrimp. This has now become known as "Shrimp Box." She must hold on to it at all times. She plays a catch game with shrimp box and it dreaming about eating shrimp.
As crazy as it sounds, this is not out of the ordinary for our family. We have always taken the little one shopping and we have tried to have her be apart of the meal making process as possible. It is a conscious effort on our part to teach healthy eating habits and have her appreciate her heritage through food. (Let's face it; a large part of Italian culture is our food.) I grew up this way and as I came of age I noticed that I was different from others. I ate different food. I knew and embraced more of my heritage than others. I was healthier and I had a better relationship with my folks. (Everything always happened in the kitchen, especially a great deal of dialogue.)
So, although it can be nuts sometimes, having children apart of the cooking process, it can be beneficial. Cook with someone you love.
As crazy as it sounds, this is not out of the ordinary for our family. We have always taken the little one shopping and we have tried to have her be apart of the meal making process as possible. It is a conscious effort on our part to teach healthy eating habits and have her appreciate her heritage through food. (Let's face it; a large part of Italian culture is our food.) I grew up this way and as I came of age I noticed that I was different from others. I ate different food. I knew and embraced more of my heritage than others. I was healthier and I had a better relationship with my folks. (Everything always happened in the kitchen, especially a great deal of dialogue.)
So, although it can be nuts sometimes, having children apart of the cooking process, it can be beneficial. Cook with someone you love.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Communicating Duties
Sorry that I have been neglecting my communicating duties, but I was busy being a mom. On Friday, we took the little one for a special lunch and a fun-filled afternoon at the local indoor children's play place. On Saturday, we spent our time outside making snowballs and sledding (I did not do the sledding) until our usual Saturday night church extravaganza. Since we have all been feeling better, we have been trying to spend time doing fun and enjoyable family activities. It makes us all feel better since we never know when the weather or my husband's schedule can be unpredictable.
Nice Thing That Happened Today: At 5:15 AM, when my husband rose to greet the day with snowy anticipation, the plow went through. The weather forecast was for 3 inches of snow. I thought, "Geez, the town never plows on a Sunday. This is great. My husband will get to work safely." And he did.
Sweetest Thing That Happened Today: At 7 AM, as the little one and I are watching "Signing Time," well, she's watching...I'm dozing. She turns to me and says, "I love you, Mommy Cloud."
Funniest Thing That Happened Today: At 8 AM, I turn on the local weather, after I'm really curious as why it is still snowing well after 3 inches. (Thinking to myself, "Did they change the forecast?") The weatherman tells me with certainty, and a map, that it is not snowing here and that it stopped much earlier. (It didn't stop snowing for another 2 hours.)
Strangest Thing That Happened Today: At 10 AM, my mother called. Let's just leave it at that.
P.S. I have noticed that the links for Being Bookish are not always working. I'll work on that.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Best Plan
I started my Ash Wednesday at 5:30AM as my husband got ready for his marathon day and I tried, in vain, to get a few more minutes sleep. But before I knew it the day was off and running. The little one missed her daddy so much, but some craft projects and a warm sandwich of "Potatoes and Eggs" made her feel better. We played games and ate some dinner a la Nonna. Later, her other set of grandparents came to give mommy a minute to breathe, just in time to find out that the road conditions had worsened so badly that my husband would be coming home early. The best laid plans.
Speaking of plans, I have 40 days. Forty days to get this family and this house ready for Easter. Not much time when you think about it. Preparation. Isn't that the point of Lent? It's time to better ourselves so that we are better able to receive Christ. And part of that preparation is improving our environment.
A dear friend of our family just lost her battle with cancer a week ago today. She was a pillar in our community and a lasting figure in my husband’s life. The town will never be the same. But her life was simple. She gardened, painted, and was a wonderful musician. She was neat, funny, and always concerned about living a natural life void of chemicals. She never had much and was satisfied with the simple pleasures in life. She was a role model to many people. And as we reflect on her life, we are reminded of the need to simplify. To give of ourselves and not expect payment. To prepare and simplify our minds to receive more than we can imagine.
Speaking of plans, I have 40 days. Forty days to get this family and this house ready for Easter. Not much time when you think about it. Preparation. Isn't that the point of Lent? It's time to better ourselves so that we are better able to receive Christ. And part of that preparation is improving our environment.
A dear friend of our family just lost her battle with cancer a week ago today. She was a pillar in our community and a lasting figure in my husband’s life. The town will never be the same. But her life was simple. She gardened, painted, and was a wonderful musician. She was neat, funny, and always concerned about living a natural life void of chemicals. She never had much and was satisfied with the simple pleasures in life. She was a role model to many people. And as we reflect on her life, we are reminded of the need to simplify. To give of ourselves and not expect payment. To prepare and simplify our minds to receive more than we can imagine.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Family History
I don't know if it's the pregnancy, or the fact that my mother will be turning 60 this month, or the fact that I just received an email from my globe trotting cousin who has discovered more about my family then humanly conceivable, but I miss my family history project. In college, I was given a grant to begin researching my family history in the hopes of writing a book. (Toot, toot; there goes my horn again.) The book was put on the back burner when I got my own classroom and then my own family. Now, that I do not have a million and one additional responsibilities (just 999,999, now) my mind has wandered toward my family history project.
Family history is so important. Being a fairly new family in this country, my family does not have a significant paper trail to follow. With documentation comes stories that can be proven by more than just a cloudy memory from one of your aging relatives, but it is important to have both the memory and the paper.
Anyway, my point is that so many immigrant families from the turn of the century felt that America was like an orphan county with little history of which to build a solid foundation. Growing up, I felt the same way. My family was like an orphan family, of which I did not know as much as I would have liked. If one does not know their past, how can they build a future?
Family history is important to share with children and encourage them to have pride in who they are and what they are apart of. Any great family stories or family memorabilia? Share it with someone close to you. It makes a difference.
P.S. The Church has kept nearly perfect records of baptism records and so much more if you are looking for information on a specific loved one.
Family history is so important. Being a fairly new family in this country, my family does not have a significant paper trail to follow. With documentation comes stories that can be proven by more than just a cloudy memory from one of your aging relatives, but it is important to have both the memory and the paper.
Anyway, my point is that so many immigrant families from the turn of the century felt that America was like an orphan county with little history of which to build a solid foundation. Growing up, I felt the same way. My family was like an orphan family, of which I did not know as much as I would have liked. If one does not know their past, how can they build a future?
Family history is important to share with children and encourage them to have pride in who they are and what they are apart of. Any great family stories or family memorabilia? Share it with someone close to you. It makes a difference.
P.S. The Church has kept nearly perfect records of baptism records and so much more if you are looking for information on a specific loved one.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Being Bookish
Introducing "Being Bookish," an on-line book club designed for Catholics, especially Catholic parents, who just want to read more than board books, and explore and celebrate their Faith.
Who has the the time to read for pleasure when you have children that seem to have endless amounts of energy, homes that are swirlling vortexes of chores, and family demands that take priority over work, school, and erands? The truth is that there may not be time unless we make time. Being Bookish allows people to come together and appreciate Catholic authors and books that explore Catholic themes without being overwhelming. A book every other month that promises to keep you engaged and thinking rather than pouring through pages and pages of words that no one uses anymore. Small discussion groups will allow readers to discuss any thoughts they may have about the selections. Readers can pop in and out of discussions any time within the two months given for each selection. So come join us!
The selections for this year are:
1) Big Russ & Me by Tim Russert
Big Russ and & Me celebrates the father/son relationship and shows how the Catholic Faith has shaped Tim Russert and his life. A quick read and worth it for anyone to spend some time exploring. Discussions start the end of February.
2) Mother Teresa's Lessons of Love and Secrets of Sanctity by Susan Conroy
Susan Conroy dedicated ten years of her youth to be in the service of Mother Teresa in India. Here she learned invaluable lessons and because of this continues to discern the role God has for her.
3) Introduction to the Theology of the Body by Christopher West
Since John Paul II's Theology of the Body was first published, scholars and lay Catholics have been trying to fully understand all of its meaning. Charasmatic Catholic author Christopher West, simplifies the theology and encourages discussion.
4) For One More Day by Mitch Albom
Author of Tuesday's with Morrie and The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom explores the life of a fictional charcter who deals with the impact of some very powerful life choices. (Doesn't come out till April: discussions this summer.)
5) My Cup of Tea by Danielle Bean
Catholic author Danielle Bean is the senior editor of Faith and Family Magazine and admired by many mothers for her dedication to her vocation. In My Cup of Tea, Danielle shares some insights of being a parent in the Catholic Faith.
6) Why Do Catholics Do That? by Kevin Orlin Johnson
An invaluable reference and guide for Catholics and those that want to know more about Catholism, Johnson's book explores aspects of Catholism that even practicing Catholics might not even know.
Stay tunned in for more information about the opening of discussion groups.
We cannot wait to get started!
Who has the the time to read for pleasure when you have children that seem to have endless amounts of energy, homes that are swirlling vortexes of chores, and family demands that take priority over work, school, and erands? The truth is that there may not be time unless we make time. Being Bookish allows people to come together and appreciate Catholic authors and books that explore Catholic themes without being overwhelming. A book every other month that promises to keep you engaged and thinking rather than pouring through pages and pages of words that no one uses anymore. Small discussion groups will allow readers to discuss any thoughts they may have about the selections. Readers can pop in and out of discussions any time within the two months given for each selection. So come join us!
The selections for this year are:
1) Big Russ & Me by Tim Russert
Big Russ and & Me celebrates the father/son relationship and shows how the Catholic Faith has shaped Tim Russert and his life. A quick read and worth it for anyone to spend some time exploring. Discussions start the end of February.
2) Mother Teresa's Lessons of Love and Secrets of Sanctity by Susan Conroy
Susan Conroy dedicated ten years of her youth to be in the service of Mother Teresa in India. Here she learned invaluable lessons and because of this continues to discern the role God has for her.
3) Introduction to the Theology of the Body by Christopher West
Since John Paul II's Theology of the Body was first published, scholars and lay Catholics have been trying to fully understand all of its meaning. Charasmatic Catholic author Christopher West, simplifies the theology and encourages discussion.
4) For One More Day by Mitch Albom
Author of Tuesday's with Morrie and The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom explores the life of a fictional charcter who deals with the impact of some very powerful life choices. (Doesn't come out till April: discussions this summer.)
5) My Cup of Tea by Danielle Bean
Catholic author Danielle Bean is the senior editor of Faith and Family Magazine and admired by many mothers for her dedication to her vocation. In My Cup of Tea, Danielle shares some insights of being a parent in the Catholic Faith.
6) Why Do Catholics Do That? by Kevin Orlin Johnson
An invaluable reference and guide for Catholics and those that want to know more about Catholism, Johnson's book explores aspects of Catholism that even practicing Catholics might not even know.
Stay tunned in for more information about the opening of discussion groups.
We cannot wait to get started!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Anticipation
It doesn't mean what Carly Simon meant. Here in the Great Northeast, anticipation means: weather. Yes, once again, we are in the middle of a snow/ice storm with only a dusting of 3-6 inches and a quarter to a half of an inch of ICE. Oh, I hate ice. Last time we had a quater of an inch of ice a tree fell across our road, the power went out, and we all had to huddle at my mother-in-law's for heat. The schools have all closed in anticipation of not being able to safely get the children back home. (A teacher's nightmare: stranded students in your charge.) So, I am predicting that we will lose power and that I will not be able to write for a bit.
I call these kind of days, mandatory snow days. Adults rarely get snow days, and mothers almost never get snow days, so when the weather says that you have to stay home and take it easy, I appreciate it. When my husband was at music camp as a kid, (Yes, yes, I know, geek! But he is my geek and I love him.) the students/campers would become so engrossed in their instruments that they never took time to stop practicing and have fun. The camp created something called mandatory fun, where the camp leaders would take them shopping, to eat out, or just to a park. The campers would get all annoyed because they were "wasting time" when they could be practicing, but in the end everyone benefitted from some fresh air. And I think that a mandatory snow day is healthy. Everyone can benefit from some "fresh" anything other than what they are doing normally.
Today, we are going to do dishes and laundry early, in case we no longer can use the water because of a power outage. We will take showers early and clean out the fridge in anticipation of some food passing before its time. The little one is enjoying the snow as we speak as she sleds down our hill with her father. We will bake superbowl cookies and cook dinner early. And all in all, we will spend some time away from everything else.
I call these kind of days, mandatory snow days. Adults rarely get snow days, and mothers almost never get snow days, so when the weather says that you have to stay home and take it easy, I appreciate it. When my husband was at music camp as a kid, (Yes, yes, I know, geek! But he is my geek and I love him.) the students/campers would become so engrossed in their instruments that they never took time to stop practicing and have fun. The camp created something called mandatory fun, where the camp leaders would take them shopping, to eat out, or just to a park. The campers would get all annoyed because they were "wasting time" when they could be practicing, but in the end everyone benefitted from some fresh air. And I think that a mandatory snow day is healthy. Everyone can benefit from some "fresh" anything other than what they are doing normally.
Today, we are going to do dishes and laundry early, in case we no longer can use the water because of a power outage. We will take showers early and clean out the fridge in anticipation of some food passing before its time. The little one is enjoying the snow as we speak as she sleds down our hill with her father. We will bake superbowl cookies and cook dinner early. And all in all, we will spend some time away from everything else.
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